I long story short have been to hell and back, and definitely learned all the lessons, and have exhausted all the things that YouTube, by that I mean licensed therapists on there such as “therapy in a nutshell” and “crappychildhood fairy” and David Higgins helps in the immediate wake up but not the rest the day. my last therapist, thousands of posts online from other people with similar , etc. from the candle flame to breathing, cleaning , lemons, writing, (im a writer all my life, with writers block since right after covid..
I have performed in front of sold out crowds fearlessly .. but now… Walmart, driving, waking up, trying to plan, every time my phone dings, everything feels like it’s getting harder and harder and the irony of me knowing and understanding all my “unresolved trauma” has now seemed to went kaboom with all of life….
I don’t drink, use drugs, I eat healthy and by that I mean true healthy, I take fish oil, biotin, and I was on anti depressants for 10 years, 2 diff ones, no change.. im now struggling more than ever to fall asleep, and when I wake it feels like I blinked etc. I’m not depressed , I love life now that I’ve dodged death way too many times, I appreciate it, but this ptsd is making even typing this almost impossible , how I’m doing this , I’m refusing to re read as I will most likely delete all this down to my mind convincing me it’s a waste of time and I’m complaining too much.
Thank you if you read this far, I very much am grateful, now, what I’m “wanting” is someone licensed who can take me in on either a sliding scale, some sort of payment plan, maybe trade me as I am great with a lot of things, mostly in computers and internet, I can paint, carpet, clean, there’s something you need that I am great at, just need to find out what
Being on my own since 14 I had to learn how to do it all myself. Perfection in everything (yeah I know ) or lastly, I am on unfortunately Medicaid (single parent full time no assistance other than this and $100 in ebt) very far from lazy and my two employers can verify.. Medicaid and it’s few resources , where I have experienced pretty much either unqualified, or they don’t care, not sure which, but I went to two therapists, one male one female, same similar results, however we’re both “Medicaid ok” and I’m well aware of the revolving door of nonsense that brings. I’m not that kind of nonsense I promise.
If anyone has any ideas I’m open to suggestion, specifically of who and where. Please don’t reply with your opinions on coping. There no one size fits all and trust that I know that from exhausting trial and error, years of studying mental health trying to find the answer, and a whole bunch of bs to go with. Not here for attention or to reach for more than the specific sympathy, spent too many years hiding all this and acting like I was ok…
Thank you so much , sorry for the “traumak dump” please understand the why.